Nothing More

I'm finally going to do it. I'm giving myself 15 minutes before I hop in the shower and while Babel sleeps to get a post out. And, what do you know? All the ideas that brew in my head during quiet showers have dispersed.

I'm staying home full-time now, officially. We had thought this was how it would end up, but I refused to commit to anything until Babel was born and we had a few weeks together at home. I thought I would love it, but I felt as though I could make no assumptions. In the first two months at home, we spent less money/month than we had in our 3 years of marriage. Funny how you don't need much when you are truly happy.

Truly happy. Yep, that's where I am. I love being at home with Babel. I love his little half giggles that he hasn't quite perfected, his rare little boo-boo lip cries that break our hearts, how his face lights up when his Tati comes home. Yes, some days I go a little stir crazy, but we get by. I've found a really good playgroup in our area, so we've been having little adventures since he was about 3 weeks old. It gets us both out of the apartment, takes up some time in the day, and gets us socializing and making new friends. He's just now starting to really be present when we're with all the other kids, and it's very sweet to watch his little eyes (Tati's) take in everything they can get.

He has his Tati's eyes and his mama's mouth. It's like a happy little sigh in my heart to look at them.

My favorite mom friend that I met in baby yoga is going back to work next week, and we are sad, sad ducks. I'm not sure I mentioned her before, but we are doppelgangers. She has the same name, got pregnant from IVF, had similar feelings about birth, also studied genetics, works in a similar field, loves yoga and the owner of the studio we go to, was due the day after me, and ended up having a little boy, too. Babel has a little bestie already, though he seems to prefer lavishing his attention on DoppelgangerMom these days. :) We have very similar ideas about parenting, and it's so very nice to have someone like her. I worry just a teeny bit that her departure from our daily cocoon life will make our days a little longer, but we'll work it out. Babel and I thoroughly enjoy adventures.

Every day is an adventure, a happy one. Babel has such a pleasant disposition, very alert and playful. He makes the days go by so quickly. Everyone said they would, but my God, it's flying. He'll be three months next week, and it makes my heart yearn for time to slow down. It seems that others talk that they miss these days and that's why they have another, but I don't want another to share these days. I will (and do) miss these days with Babel. I find myself already wishing to go back a few days and relive some time with him...not anyone, just him. Maybe this is my protective shield arising, but I'm not so sure. Talk of another child just makes me clam up and want to cuddle Babel in my arms. I'm not ready. (Will I ever be?) I don't want to be ready right now. For once, I am *exactly* where I want to be. We have our little family of three, and I'm not asking for anything more. I have amazing days where my only responsibility is to feed, change a few diapers, and make the baby laugh. I want nothing to change. I have everything I always wanted....and more.