*Gone Swimming*

What do you wear when you're about to be injected with your husband's sperm?

Your wedding underwear, of course.

Pull the trigger!

Yes, I'm lame like that.

We went in for monitoring yesterday, and I had one follicle that was 18mm and a few others that were close. The doc mentioned that we would either trigger that night (Sunday) or possibly go one more night with the Folli-stim with a trigger on Monday. This caused a bit of a breakdown. :( I didn't want to have only one follicle after all these shots! A few good emails, some tears, and TH's firm hold finally calmed me down, in time for me to get the call that we were doing one more night of Folli-stim and monitoring this (Mon) morning.

At the appointment this morning, we were told there are 3, maybe 4 follicles! WHEE!!! We trigger tonight, and we are scheduled for the IUI on Wed. TH does his thang at 8am, and the IUI is at 9.30! I'm *cough, cough* going to be sick that day to alleviate running from IUI to work to class. Ease the stress!

So, to recap, we did 8 days of meds, and IUI will be on CD13. For a girl who usually doesn't O until CD19-22, this is a dream! It's going by so quickly! Apparently we'll get a call on Oct 14th, and I go in for bloodwork if my period hasn't shown yet.

I'll save the topic of testing for another post. TH is not for it. I'm harder to convince. I just have to dig up how long HCG stays in your system...I'm pretty sure it's 9-10 days...*twiddles thumbs*

Keep Swimming

Doc appt this morning! 11 follicles total, but they are watching three or four on my right ovary that look to be about 13-14mm. The left ovary isn't responding as well, as those follies are smaller than the ones on the right, but still around 9-10mm. I'm still feeling pretty good, aside from a little tenderness, bloating, and the fact that my ovaries feel like jello. (Bizarre.)

And the latest development is that I am swimming in EWCM! Woot! I take this to mean something is working. C'mon follicles! Woot!

(Yes, I am *this* excited about CM. Sad, isn't it? What can a girl do?)

:/

So, the office just called, and I'm going up to 150IU b/c my estradiol isn't what they want it to be. (I think she said it was 83 or 86, and we're at 3 days of shots.) I'm just a little confused (worried?) because during the u/s he pretty sure we were decreasing my dose.

Now I'm nervous. :(

Stimming away!

Appt this morning! Who knew I'd ever be so happy for an u/s and b/w?! :)

8-10 follicles, all about 8-10mm in size. There was one that was 11mm on the right ovary. It seems like the right ovary is responding a little better than the left, but I wonder if this is b/c the right side had 2 shots and the left only had one. Is this possible, or am I just over thinking this?

I'm pretty sure I'm getting dose-reduced today when they call me this afternoon. I'm pretty okay with side effects right now. I'm definitely bloated, but it's a different kind of bloat. It's a very up front and forward bloat rather than spread along my abdomen, and I'm tender to pants and such. I had a little trouble getting comfy to sleep last night, but no big deal. I'm also a wee bit hot lately, LOL. TH commented on it while we were on the train this morning. Hmmm...let's see. I had some mild headaches a few days ago, but those seem to be gone. Also, I've been really tired, but I think that might just be me adapting to my class/work schedule. (First hw is due today! Wish me good luck!) I'm really pleased that these are my only side effects. Definitely improved since Sunday!

Oh, and the RE said they have someone call about once a year b/c of an allergic rxn to Gonal-F. Nice to know that I didn't disappoint. :)

Yay for no allergic rxn!

I was switched to Folli-stim (sp?) today, and the shot went off without a hitch. :) The bad news is that we couldn't swap the meds b/c they were used (possible backflow), so we had to use the insurance for the new meds. The pharmacist is freaking awesome, and it's ironic b/c the specialty pharmacy that stocks all the meds is right next to the apt we lived in when we first moved in together, which is right across the street from the apt TH lived in when we first started dating. (Awwww....)

You should see us prep each night for the shot. TH gets everything out and ready and pops a squat on the bathroom floor. Our bathroom is teeny tiny (but gorgeously designed!), so he takes up pretty much all of the floor space. He then assembles while I swab, and then he passes me the goods. It's only Day 2, and we've already got a system. And while it's early, I'm already not diggin' this shot business. Every time I feel a little bit of dread, I say a silent prayer that this will be the only month we have to endure these shots.

Little Ms. Jones just brought me her mouse for a rousing game of fetch, and I have milk in the microwave for fancy-schmancy hot chocolate to drink while we watch How I Met Your Mother. C'mon, good juju.

Night, loves.

*stomps feet*

I'm fucking "mildly allergic" to Gonal-F.

Yes, you read that right.

How do we know this? Oh, just because we had to call the emergency line at the RE b/c I had difficulty swallowing (throat felt swollen), redness at the back of my throat, and mild itching on my face.

I'm allergic to two medicines: Gonal-F and morphine. JHC!

I have to call the office first thing in the morning, and they are going to change my meds. What will happen to this $1200 pen I just took my first dose out of? (Thank God for insurance.)

But on second thought, there is no thanking God tonight. I'm pretty sure TH gave him the finger right before my foot stomping, TH's hand punching, tear falling fit started. The only words I could moan as TH held me where, "C'MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN".

I was being a champ about this. I did the injection myself, even though I'm pretty sure TH was chomping at the bit to do it for me. I hadn't cried at all, and I actually couldn't wait for 10pm to hit tonight. And THIS is how I am repaid?! Having to agonize over whether it was a "true medical emergency" (TH: "Uhh, if it was a TRUE medical emergency, we'd be on the way to the ER") and that inner fear of being "that woman" who called last night over nothing?

ALLERGIC TO GONAL.-F?? C'MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe now would be a good time to mention that percocet gives me violent hiccups. TH is not fazed by this current situation, as we encountered the hiccup issue at Christmas.

Me (to pharmacist): I'm experiencing violent hiccups after taking percocet. Is this a common side effect?
Pharmacist (skeptically): No, ma'am. You can't get hiccups from percocet.
Me: Are you sure? My husband has noticed that every time I've taken one these past few days, I've started violently hiccuping.
Pharmacist: Ma'am, I've never heard of that happening before. It's not related to the percocet.

Enter Google. "In very rare cases, patients may experience hiccups while taking oxycodone."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm so over my body and this bullshit!

*For the record, whenever I'm having a weird symptom, TH says, "Only in rare cases..." and references the hiccups. He downright laughed at me during the teary fit, while reminding me of my unique symptom drama of medicines past. He's apparently not the least bit surprised, as the moment he started googling, Dr. Google informed him that it's uncommon to be allergic to Gonal.-F. Jackpot.

*takes a bow*

It plummeted. Alllll the way down to below the coverline. I actually think I might start today, which would be a small gift from God. (Speaking of him, last night I started to pray, and all I could get out was to ask for mercy. Simple is good?) I'm debating a personal day tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to be after the injectables class. Today, I'm numb. Tomorrow? I suspect the numbness will be replaced.

Today is so not good that I don't even have words. For the first time, I'm dreading therapy. I don't want to talk. I can't really even cry. Let's just pretend none of this is happening, 'kay?

This is it. Our medicated cycles begin. We can't do this on our own, and with that decision, we've now narrowed our best chances down to a handful.

My shoulders are just so TIRED.

I caved

And peed. Thus, the dream dies this month, and I've been spurred into action. Unfortunately, making a plan is not having its usual affect on me. I'm staying busy at work, but I'm spending today on the verge of tears. It will be like this until I finally start. Whee. We've hit the point where you just beg for TOM to come so you can start fresh. Isn't that fun?

I put in a call to the RE to schedule us for the injectables class on Friday. It's not a great time for me to leave work early, but I'm beyond caring. I've put so much into this place in the last year that I can't be bothered. Our (potential) family is more important this week.

We just realized that we're traveling about 3 weeks into the next cycle. The injectables should make me ovulate around CD12-14, no? I'm afraid to ask this when the nurse calls, but I will. Honestly, if the travel conflicts with the cycle, we're not going. I'm not all that enthused about this trip right now, anyway.

And as a parting gift: TH is the best. And with that, the tears fall. Fuck.

Frozen in Fear

Today is 10DPO. I haven't yet peed on ANYthing. Are you impressed?

You shouldn't be. It's solely out of fear. If I knew, without a doubt, that I would get the desired result, I would pee with the best of them. But I can't. I'm afraid to let the dream die. If it's a negative, I will play the "it's too early game" while I wallow in the negative. If it were to be positive, I could jump, cry, laugh, and tackle the chit out of TH. But somehow, the wallowing fear is winning out. I don't have time today to be a puddle of tears. I have a 12 hour day today, and I'm on call for work again this week. I have a chit-ton to do, and I'd apparently rather waste the day wondering than wallowing.

Wondering *is* better than wallowing. With wonderment, there's Hope. With wallowing self-pity, it's gone.

Show and Tell #2!

See this girl here? Meet SMT (Scary Mind Twin). She's probably the best person I've ever met in this world. We're like two peas in a pod, even though we live about 4 hours from each other and have only known each other for two years. (Kicker? We met on a message board. Srsly.) We have such similar tastes that we've been known to buy the same gifts for each other and pick out the same blankets for our couches, miles and miles apart. She's the person I run to when I can't find myself. She's just plain awesome. (She's also the one who named TH...as in Twinny Husband.)

I'm going to visit my SMT this weekend in Boston to walk alongside her for the Jimmy Fund Walk. We're walking 13.1 miles to raise money for cancer research and treatments. Beth lost someone very, very dear to her to cancer, and it's an honor for me to walk these miles with her.

And if any of you are interested in donating to the walk, you can do so here.

Oh, the possibilities

Last night, out of the blue, TH said to me, "Um, your boobs are big."

To some, this may sound like a random comment. To me, it was like crack in my veins.

You see, the month we conceived, TH noted that my boobs became gigantic. I was pleased as punch, as I am a pretty small chested girl. And the boobs were TH's surefire indicator that that month we had succeeded. While I regularly play the symptom game, TH holds back. So, imagine my surprise when he volunteered information on my cup size yesterday.

I should also note that a regular occurrence during the TWW is that I flash TH and make him feel me up. We then play "are they or aren't they" and carry on with dinner. Yesterday, he *volunteered* this information, which is very un-TH-like, as he is a conservative on these matters.

I was so giddy I couldn't sleep last night. Really. I'm only 4DPO, so while I know it's ridiculous, I'm still overflowing with Hope's friend, Faith. In the mean time, I'm patiently waiting for TH to come home from work. :)

*TWW Disclaimer: Please, God, don't make me regret this excitement later. (You all had to know it was coming.)

Show and Tell

This Show and Tell post is brought to you by Samantha Jones, our fantastic kitteh.

She's kind of a whore:

But she's kind of too cute for words:

(as evidenced by Smith's infatuation with her)

The lovely Ms. Jones added herself to our family in January. I got Smith from a shelter, and while I had wanted another cat for a while, I refused to use a breeder. I went through spurts of looking, but none of the listed cats were ever the right fit. (I have a mild cat allergy and love the Devon Rex breed for their fur and personalities.) Right around New Years last year, I found Samantha on petfinder, and we hiked it out to Long Island to meet her. TH, who is not really a cat person, fell in love. I was worried about her fur, as she has a thicker coat, but it turns out that she only bothers me every few months or so. And, I was mainly concerned b/c she's so damn cute that I constantly want to rub her face in mine, which is not such a good idea.

So, TH was sold, and thus, so was I. We were worried about how Smith would adjust, but he also fell in love with her. He'd love it if she would be his girlfriend, but she is not the least bit interested! I'm pretty sure she thinks he licks too much.

Anyway, Samantha, AKA The Little One, has provided MANY hours of comic relief. She's hysterical. She's incredibly active, and she loves to play fetch. She will randomly leap through the air from a standstill, running after Smith, her toy, or some random wind pattern that must have grazed her furry little cheek. She only likes to cuddle when SHE wants to, which is only about 10% of the time that Smith demands attention. She likes to come to bed with me and demands kitty kisses when neither of the boys are around. She's also an avid hunter, be it insects in the apartment or birds she can only watch and chatter at from the window. Ms. Jones is not a fan of wet food, and she is especially not fond of fish flavored foods. Puh-lease.

*does a smiley face dance*

Two days, two smiley faces. Bring it on, Lady Os! :)

It's CD28, and we've had two weeks of BDing in anticipation of the Grand O. We. Are. So. Ready. I had a tiny temp rise yesterday, but then it fell back to normal today. I *will* be patient. I will also thank the Transplant Gods who did not have last night's event go through; we needed to BD, and I would have been slightly miffed at not getting an accurate temp this morning. At this point, charting is ruling my sleep. Boo. Hiss.

We had an interesting situation arise (hehe) Wednesday night at BDing time. We have an issue that rears its ugly head now and again. It's nothing serious, but we both definitely disagree with each other on this topic. I think I was actually the one that brought it up (whoops), but it was certainly NOT a good time to have the albeit brief discussion on this issue. I got huffy. He got huffy. Then I internally got huffier b/c I thought O was coming and knew we'd be even huffier if we missed it b/c we got huffy in the first place. (Follow all that?) So, I told TH that we were going to regret missing this BDing if we didn't get our acts together. We huffed a little more. Then, he got out of bed to "get some water". When he came back, we had miraculously pulled it together for what ended up being a pretty good BD session (as opposed to Turkey Baster Sex, which needs no explanation. The THINGS we DO to have a BABY!)

Fast forward to yesterday, around noontime, when I got the magical Mr. Smiley Face, whom TH is a big fan of. I did the normal routine of texting TH to let him know of our newest development. And, he texted back with the sweetest words:

"AWESOME! Maybe last nite was a test and we passed"

(I should probably say that my text to him was "WE HAVE A SMILEY FACE!", which is what garnered the caps from him.)

Anyway, that text melted me. TH is not a man known for his ease with words. He's ESL (and reminds me of this when it suits him), and while he has a fantastic grasp of the language and a very minimal accent, he doesn't always have a way with words. He also doesn't quite have the same feelings on meant-to-bes and everything-happens-for-a-reason situations. And, to add to this love fest, sandwiched between bouts of huff, TH had been uncharacteristically romantic Tues evening when we were in the kitchen, hugging me and uttering a simple, "I'm so glad we're married", with this easy little grin on his face. Those words are what I tend to utter, but more along the lines of "I super love you." (Yes, I'm a cheesy bitch. What can I say? Does it help that it's said in jest?)

So, the summary of this nonsense is that we're rock solid. Yes, we huff. Yes, I get cranky about his empty pop cans on the desk. Yes, he deals with me when I have the patience of a small child. But we're in this, and as much as we wish "this" was not part of our story, we're here. And we're a-okay.