Pushed to Blast

We got the call today (from the nurse, not the RE, of course. You might remember he told us HE'D call....) that we're pushed to blast. I think we're both in shock. I'm nervous that the RE is being stubborn. TH is worried that he's taking a risk in an effort to make up for the giant mistake. Both of us are nervous they will all arrest before Saturday. What I should be feeling is a huge amount of comfort that we made it to a 5 day transfer, but shoulds and coulds aren't really our friends right now. Our emotions just show you how little trust we have.

I'm waiting for the daily update from the doctor about where things stand with the babies today. Let's hope he doesn't think he's off the hook.

I teeter on my feelings about the 5day transfer. Part of me wants those babies back with me NOW. Part of me feels a tinge of belief that maybe asking for love for our babies is making a difference. Given yesterday's counts, I would never have believed we'd make it to blasts. Here's to me being wrong.

Give our babies strength, please. Think of them as 8 or 9 cells, morulas, then blasts. Think of them happily dividing, waiting to come home. Sing them a song, send them your angels to watch over them (on rotation with mine, of course), tell them we love them and need them. I no longer think my attitude toward a cycle matters, but if there's one thing I think that can actually make a difference, it's the energy we send those babies. They are real and tangible. They can feel energy and love already.

I've turned off comments on the angry posts. Having them trickle in yesterday was a mixed bag; on one hand, I needed the support that this situation was so unbelievable. On the other, I was trying to move on, and each one reminded me of how angry I was. So please understand my reasoning and know that every word was appreciated. I have to move on today. It's very hard, but I think I'm finally ready to let it go for these next few days. I have to be.

1, 2, 4, 6, 7. My birthday and age are mixed up in there. Last cycle, we had TH's birthday, and he felt so burned by them. Please do not let history repeat itself.

And to whomever submitted me to LFCA, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.