Quick Update

I'm really busy with school and work right now, and I haven't had a chance to update. Quickly, we had an appt with the RE for some preliminary IVF testing and a talk about where things are currently and where they are going. We also have pretty much deduced that there is very little insurance money left for the year, and it's not even close to enough to make a dent in the total IVF cost, thus leaving us with more than what we really want to pay right now (seeing as in a few short months, we'll be fully covered.)

So, this may sound kind of funny, but we're doing two Clomid cycles to get us through the year. The more I thought about it, the more we realized we're not so afraid of IVF (really, I'm prepared for January), it was more the unexpected change in plans and progression. We feel like none of this is in our control (b/c it isn't), but we can control the pace. Neither one of us was happy with the thoughts of trying at home and waiting out my 30+ cycles with 1 wk of fertile time. We also didn't want to waste Rx money out of the lifetime max, as we were both (and the doc) was concerned about my response to the injectables and the potential for more OHSS or cancelled cycles. We were both wondering why we couldn't just do Clomid in the meantime so we feel like we are doing something (scheduled, timed, and controlled) rather than taking a break or just being left to our own devices. Well, without us bringing it up, the RE had the same idea. I feel like our expectations aren't as weighted as they were with the shots, but I don't feel as though we'll be drifting in the seas like I did with our cycles at home. And, we have finite times b/c of the controlled cycle. Win, win, win.

If we make it to January, we're fully insured, we're doing it on our terms, and we're going into it full steam ahead. This cycle wouldn't have been any of that, and that's not how we roll. I was trying not to feel like my fear was getting in our way, but the more I thought about it, with all that we've been through this year, I've never felt such fear as I did last week. That was me telling me that it wasn't right. And it wasn't. I can't tell you the weight that has been lifted since we finally agreed to let it go for now. I'm excited for the Clomid cycle. Yes, it has a MUCH lower chance of success, but I'm excited b/c it's what is right for us right now. I want to be excited going into IVF so I can fully concentrate on that 70% chance we were given with it. But, if we don't make it there, I won't be all that sad, either. ;)

Happy ICLW! I'll be commenting on study breaks over the weekend! Mid-term on Monday for the Homework from Hell Class. Eek! And I'm currently obsessed with The Cure.

AND, yesterday I touched a liver during a living donor transplant. AWESOME.

Welcome back to the land of the living.