It's over.
Fuck you, too, God.
07 December 2009
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Creme de la Creme
IComLeavWe
About Me
- K
- TH and I have been married since late 2007. He's European and I'm a midwest girl, which makes for much love, cultural clashes, laughter, and learning. We just bought our first apt in NYC, we have two Devon Rex kitties, and I recently started grad school. That's us, in a nutshell. ♥
Our TTC History
~1998: At the age of 15, a gyn suspects I have endo after being hospitalized for abdominal pain. I'm put on bcp to control it.
April '03: After numerous bladder issues and a full work-up, it's suspected the endo is on my bladder. Lap performed during break from college. Endo on my uterosacral ligaments, bladder, cul-de-sac. Ovaries, tubes, and uterus are clear - YAY!
Apr - Sep '03: 6 months of Lupron. Ick, ick, ick.
Sep '03 - Aug '06: Various forms of bcp to keep periods away. In Aug, I decide enough is enough and stop the bcp. I have two normal cycles, and my period disappears for 6 months.
Jan '06: I move to NYC from Philly, and TH and I start dating.
Jan '07: Start seeing Erika, the acupuncturist, to get my period back. Docs want to give meds, but I think meds are the reason TOM is on hiatus and refuse. I see a series of not so great gyns. I move into TH's apt with two other guys.
Mar '07: Erika works her magic, TOM is back!
May '07: TH and I are in our first apt!
Aug '07: TH proposes!
Nov '07: We're married!
Mar '08: We stop preventing but aren't officially trying. It takes a few months of therapy for me to finally agree...we're trying. I'm scared to death after all the "sooner rather than later", "you'll need IVF to get pregnant", and other BS statements given to me via shitty gyns in the last ten years.
Jul '08: Officially TTC. Let the temping begin! (And, of course, I get a cyst that makes this cycle ~50 days. I should have known...)
Dec '08: Back pain suspected to be another cyst turns out to be herniated disc. Lap scheduled with Dr. O for excision of endo. Septate uterus is found sometime in the fall. (How many people missed this in all these years?!)
Jan '09: I get a full work-up for the lap. We shop around for a new RE but decide to stick with the original one.
Feb '09: Endo removed, no bowel resection needed. Left tube could be blocked or was spasming during surgeries. *breath of relief*
Mar '09: HSG reveals tubes are clear! I resist the hysteroscopy b/c I'm not ready for another surgery and am not convinced the septum is a problem, as I've never m/c. TH's SA comes back all clear.
Apr '09: We move into our new apartment once renovations are complete. We're homeowners! We also conceive but the baby can't implant. We never see a positive HPT, but we're devastated.
May '09: Hysteroscopy corrects the uterine septum. We're good to go...but no positive test...
Sep '09: Our first medicated cycle. I have an allergic rxn to Gonal.F and we switch to Follistim. Moderate OHSS post-IUI. I'm also start grad school. (Epic FAIL...the cycle, not school)
Dec '09: Chemical pregnancy on a Clomid/IUI cycle. Sadness. Found out I'm heterozygous for MTHFR.
Jan '09: IUI #3 = FAIL. Here comes IVF...
Mar '10: IVF#1 results in a chemical pregnancy. Diagnosed with abnormal fertilization by the sperm. Wha?!
Apr '10: Bring on IVF#2. All retrieved eggs to have ICSI. Scratch that. RE/lab fuckup results in regular fertilization. 15 mature eggs retrieved, 7 fertilize on their own. Grade 3 BB and BC blasts transferred. Beta#1 30.3. Beta #2 79.3. Beta #3 158. We're having a baby! :D
Jan '11: Babel arrives at 39 weeks after 30 hours of labor. He weighed 7lbs 3oz and was 21.5" long. He has the most kissable cheeks his mama has ever seen.
April '03: After numerous bladder issues and a full work-up, it's suspected the endo is on my bladder. Lap performed during break from college. Endo on my uterosacral ligaments, bladder, cul-de-sac. Ovaries, tubes, and uterus are clear - YAY!
Apr - Sep '03: 6 months of Lupron. Ick, ick, ick.
Sep '03 - Aug '06: Various forms of bcp to keep periods away. In Aug, I decide enough is enough and stop the bcp. I have two normal cycles, and my period disappears for 6 months.
Jan '06: I move to NYC from Philly, and TH and I start dating.
Jan '07: Start seeing Erika, the acupuncturist, to get my period back. Docs want to give meds, but I think meds are the reason TOM is on hiatus and refuse. I see a series of not so great gyns. I move into TH's apt with two other guys.
Mar '07: Erika works her magic, TOM is back!
May '07: TH and I are in our first apt!
Aug '07: TH proposes!
Nov '07: We're married!
Mar '08: We stop preventing but aren't officially trying. It takes a few months of therapy for me to finally agree...we're trying. I'm scared to death after all the "sooner rather than later", "you'll need IVF to get pregnant", and other BS statements given to me via shitty gyns in the last ten years.
Jul '08: Officially TTC. Let the temping begin! (And, of course, I get a cyst that makes this cycle ~50 days. I should have known...)
Dec '08: Back pain suspected to be another cyst turns out to be herniated disc. Lap scheduled with Dr. O for excision of endo. Septate uterus is found sometime in the fall. (How many people missed this in all these years?!)
Jan '09: I get a full work-up for the lap. We shop around for a new RE but decide to stick with the original one.
Feb '09: Endo removed, no bowel resection needed. Left tube could be blocked or was spasming during surgeries. *breath of relief*
Mar '09: HSG reveals tubes are clear! I resist the hysteroscopy b/c I'm not ready for another surgery and am not convinced the septum is a problem, as I've never m/c. TH's SA comes back all clear.
Apr '09: We move into our new apartment once renovations are complete. We're homeowners! We also conceive but the baby can't implant. We never see a positive HPT, but we're devastated.
May '09: Hysteroscopy corrects the uterine septum. We're good to go...but no positive test...
Sep '09: Our first medicated cycle. I have an allergic rxn to Gonal.F and we switch to Follistim. Moderate OHSS post-IUI. I'm also start grad school. (Epic FAIL...the cycle, not school)
Dec '09: Chemical pregnancy on a Clomid/IUI cycle. Sadness. Found out I'm heterozygous for MTHFR.
Jan '09: IUI #3 = FAIL. Here comes IVF...
Mar '10: IVF#1 results in a chemical pregnancy. Diagnosed with abnormal fertilization by the sperm. Wha?!
Apr '10: Bring on IVF#2. All retrieved eggs to have ICSI. Scratch that. RE/lab fuckup results in regular fertilization. 15 mature eggs retrieved, 7 fertilize on their own. Grade 3 BB and BC blasts transferred. Beta#1 30.3. Beta #2 79.3. Beta #3 158. We're having a baby! :D
Jan '11: Babel arrives at 39 weeks after 30 hours of labor. He weighed 7lbs 3oz and was 21.5" long. He has the most kissable cheeks his mama has ever seen.
I'd be feeling the same way. I just wish there was something I could do for you guys.
ReplyDelete***hugs***
So very sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))) Wish there was something more I could do. Please know that I'm here.
ReplyDeleteSo so sorry. Sending you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteI have no words. Just ((((hugs))))
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. This stinks.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I've been there too, twice, and I am so sorry for your pain.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. :(
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteNooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, no, that sucks. No words can express how very sorry I am.
I've got your back for the first time someone tells you "everything happens for a reason."
ReplyDeleteLove you.
I agree with what Beth said! No other words I'm sorry :(
ReplyDeleteDammit. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh man. I am so so sorry. I don't want to be callous/cliche, but I will be praying for you...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry this has happened to you. I went through this exact same thing just a few weeks ago, and words cannot adequately describe how betraying it feels. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and please know you're not alone.
ReplyDeletexx
Over here from LCFA. I can only say how sad I am for you. Be gentle with yourself. You're in our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, man. I hate IF so f***ing much. Damnit. Gah, Ugh. I don't even know what else to say. =(
ReplyDeleteF***.
I know "sorry" sucks, but I'm so, so sorry.
I can't deal with the unfairness of it all. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh god Kim. I'm so so sorry. This is just so fucking unfair. (((hugs))) and a million tissues coming your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry. Try to stay strong. I will be thinking of you.
ReplyDelete:( Boo. I can't believe this, I just can't... You have a lot of prayers on your side right now....
ReplyDeletei hate today but i love you.
ReplyDeleteFound you through Summer...prayers.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry :(
ReplyDeletei am now hating this day too.
my heart is aching for you and summer and all other couples whose hopes and dreams have been crushed.
i hope you don't give up though.
i will be praying for you all.
i am not sure if you have ever read kelly's korner or if you care too but i think she has a great story. one of which it took her quite a while to find love and wait for their time for a baby.
i believe your time to have a little one will come.
stay strong hun, i'll be thinking of you.
p.s. i don't know you, found you through summer. i'm not religious or anything, i just believe. i believe you will be a mom. xo
My thoughts and prays are with you!
ReplyDelete(I found you through Summer)
Im new, but I found you from summer and I just want to express my love for your family. Much prayers are with you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI'm new too from summer's blog, I am so sorry for your loss and like Summer, my prayers, heart and love goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteKim, I am so incredibly sorry. If you ever need to talk, I am here. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeletevisiting from Summer's blog. I am so sorry for your loss... it really isn't fair and there are no words.
ReplyDeleteAlso came by from Summer - I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteCracking knuckles...not fair, not fair, not fair!
ReplyDeleteI'm found you through Summer as well. I'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThat stinks! Take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteHere through Summer as well.
ReplyDeleteI am so incredibly sad for your loss.
I am so sorry.
(hugs)
-sandra