Why the title?

So, I started the blog about two years ago when I was traveling for work in Israel. TH and I weren't yet married, and I had only been in NYC for a little over a year. I love this city, my husband, and my friends, but at the time, I was struggling with how different my life had become. I loved every bit of it, but it was Different. Even though TH is the foreigner, with our lifestyle, our neighborhood, our friends, and his family, we were living more of a European life than a midwest American life. It was everything I always wanted, but that didn't mean it was always apple pie, sunshine and roses.

When I decided to start up the blog again a few months ago, I thought the title still fit a little too well. I had recently left an online TTC group as I was dangerously close to being the only one not pregnant, which I knew I would NOT handle well. Between the endo and the uterine septum, I didn't really feel I was getting as much support as I needed from the group, especially as the BFPs kept popping up. In May, we conceived and the baby couldn't implant (probably b/c of the septum). Though I never saw the elusive double line and there's no way to know for sure that I conceived, TH and I both knew in our hearts that is what happened. I silently endured the miscarriage, afraid to call it that when I had never seen a positive test, and the great divide between myself and the group grew even wider. I drew inward, and May is a vague blur.

And thus, the blog was resurrected. I've shared it with a few close loved ones, but I mainly write to clear my head. TH may or may not know about it, though he knows all the feelings I put in down in print. I come here to find myself in all of this mess. Is it any coincidence that I'm feeling more like myself than I have in ages? I'm not sure. All I know is that in the end, I won't be the Last, but I will be Standing.