Can I just say the bcp portion of an IVF protocol pisses me off to no end? It's like an insult to my card-carrying Infertile status. You couldn't get pregnant on your own if your life depended on yet, but as a little help for the highest of medical treatments, we're going to be REALLY sure you don't get pregnant. It's seriously laughable, though the nausea from the pill all last night was NOT.
Do you think I could be That Woman who got pregnant on bcp while waiting to start IVF? How come we never hear about Her? :)
I've also decided that I'm in the market for a new therapist, which is happening at the least ideal time possible. It's so exhausting making those phone calls. "Hi, I have an impossibly long last name that I must spell for you, I need you to take my insurance (because no one in this God forsaken town takes insurance!!) so I can save my money for the meds that I might have to pay for out the ass if this cycle doesn't work, I need evening appts because I work and go to school, I need you to sound slightly compassionate over the phone, and I'm in the middle of the biggest breakdown of my life, of which you are expected to pick up the pieces. Oh, and I've been in therapy for two years which has now surpassed it's full capabilities, as she doesn't have much to say to me and wears her pity for our situation on her face. Could you please also confirm that you really have dealt with infertility patients? I'd prefer it if you hadn't only seen a handful of us and thus felt that you could check off that box next to your "specialties". Thanks a bunch!"
Ex.haust.ing.
In other news, classes start tomorrow, and I can't wait! I pulled really great grades last semester, especially given the situation, so I'm much less nervous going into this semester. I also really look forward to the distraction; classes make me study and do homework, which in turn makes me feel smart and productive. Suffice it to say that IF doesn't make me feel even remotely close to either of those things, so I welcome a positive feeling in my core.
Also, SIL and BIL make me want to claw my eyes out. Aside from listening to their (self-imposed) apartment drama, SIL let me know Saturday night that she can't wait for us to have children, now that she has her own and can appreciate them, unlike their other nephew with whom she never forged a connection. I can't wait to have her be a part of our (futuristic) baby's life! Whee!
Shoot me. Please. Like I needed ONE more person, especially her, to tell me that we should have kids soon. We're on it, bitch. Just for you. Trust.
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Creme de la Creme
IComLeavWe
About Me
- K
- TH and I have been married since late 2007. He's European and I'm a midwest girl, which makes for much love, cultural clashes, laughter, and learning. We just bought our first apt in NYC, we have two Devon Rex kitties, and I recently started grad school. That's us, in a nutshell. ♥
Our TTC History
~1998: At the age of 15, a gyn suspects I have endo after being hospitalized for abdominal pain. I'm put on bcp to control it.
April '03: After numerous bladder issues and a full work-up, it's suspected the endo is on my bladder. Lap performed during break from college. Endo on my uterosacral ligaments, bladder, cul-de-sac. Ovaries, tubes, and uterus are clear - YAY!
Apr - Sep '03: 6 months of Lupron. Ick, ick, ick.
Sep '03 - Aug '06: Various forms of bcp to keep periods away. In Aug, I decide enough is enough and stop the bcp. I have two normal cycles, and my period disappears for 6 months.
Jan '06: I move to NYC from Philly, and TH and I start dating.
Jan '07: Start seeing Erika, the acupuncturist, to get my period back. Docs want to give meds, but I think meds are the reason TOM is on hiatus and refuse. I see a series of not so great gyns. I move into TH's apt with two other guys.
Mar '07: Erika works her magic, TOM is back!
May '07: TH and I are in our first apt!
Aug '07: TH proposes!
Nov '07: We're married!
Mar '08: We stop preventing but aren't officially trying. It takes a few months of therapy for me to finally agree...we're trying. I'm scared to death after all the "sooner rather than later", "you'll need IVF to get pregnant", and other BS statements given to me via shitty gyns in the last ten years.
Jul '08: Officially TTC. Let the temping begin! (And, of course, I get a cyst that makes this cycle ~50 days. I should have known...)
Dec '08: Back pain suspected to be another cyst turns out to be herniated disc. Lap scheduled with Dr. O for excision of endo. Septate uterus is found sometime in the fall. (How many people missed this in all these years?!)
Jan '09: I get a full work-up for the lap. We shop around for a new RE but decide to stick with the original one.
Feb '09: Endo removed, no bowel resection needed. Left tube could be blocked or was spasming during surgeries. *breath of relief*
Mar '09: HSG reveals tubes are clear! I resist the hysteroscopy b/c I'm not ready for another surgery and am not convinced the septum is a problem, as I've never m/c. TH's SA comes back all clear.
Apr '09: We move into our new apartment once renovations are complete. We're homeowners! We also conceive but the baby can't implant. We never see a positive HPT, but we're devastated.
May '09: Hysteroscopy corrects the uterine septum. We're good to go...but no positive test...
Sep '09: Our first medicated cycle. I have an allergic rxn to Gonal.F and we switch to Follistim. Moderate OHSS post-IUI. I'm also start grad school. (Epic FAIL...the cycle, not school)
Dec '09: Chemical pregnancy on a Clomid/IUI cycle. Sadness. Found out I'm heterozygous for MTHFR.
Jan '09: IUI #3 = FAIL. Here comes IVF...
Mar '10: IVF#1 results in a chemical pregnancy. Diagnosed with abnormal fertilization by the sperm. Wha?!
Apr '10: Bring on IVF#2. All retrieved eggs to have ICSI. Scratch that. RE/lab fuckup results in regular fertilization. 15 mature eggs retrieved, 7 fertilize on their own. Grade 3 BB and BC blasts transferred. Beta#1 30.3. Beta #2 79.3. Beta #3 158. We're having a baby! :D
Jan '11: Babel arrives at 39 weeks after 30 hours of labor. He weighed 7lbs 3oz and was 21.5" long. He has the most kissable cheeks his mama has ever seen.
April '03: After numerous bladder issues and a full work-up, it's suspected the endo is on my bladder. Lap performed during break from college. Endo on my uterosacral ligaments, bladder, cul-de-sac. Ovaries, tubes, and uterus are clear - YAY!
Apr - Sep '03: 6 months of Lupron. Ick, ick, ick.
Sep '03 - Aug '06: Various forms of bcp to keep periods away. In Aug, I decide enough is enough and stop the bcp. I have two normal cycles, and my period disappears for 6 months.
Jan '06: I move to NYC from Philly, and TH and I start dating.
Jan '07: Start seeing Erika, the acupuncturist, to get my period back. Docs want to give meds, but I think meds are the reason TOM is on hiatus and refuse. I see a series of not so great gyns. I move into TH's apt with two other guys.
Mar '07: Erika works her magic, TOM is back!
May '07: TH and I are in our first apt!
Aug '07: TH proposes!
Nov '07: We're married!
Mar '08: We stop preventing but aren't officially trying. It takes a few months of therapy for me to finally agree...we're trying. I'm scared to death after all the "sooner rather than later", "you'll need IVF to get pregnant", and other BS statements given to me via shitty gyns in the last ten years.
Jul '08: Officially TTC. Let the temping begin! (And, of course, I get a cyst that makes this cycle ~50 days. I should have known...)
Dec '08: Back pain suspected to be another cyst turns out to be herniated disc. Lap scheduled with Dr. O for excision of endo. Septate uterus is found sometime in the fall. (How many people missed this in all these years?!)
Jan '09: I get a full work-up for the lap. We shop around for a new RE but decide to stick with the original one.
Feb '09: Endo removed, no bowel resection needed. Left tube could be blocked or was spasming during surgeries. *breath of relief*
Mar '09: HSG reveals tubes are clear! I resist the hysteroscopy b/c I'm not ready for another surgery and am not convinced the septum is a problem, as I've never m/c. TH's SA comes back all clear.
Apr '09: We move into our new apartment once renovations are complete. We're homeowners! We also conceive but the baby can't implant. We never see a positive HPT, but we're devastated.
May '09: Hysteroscopy corrects the uterine septum. We're good to go...but no positive test...
Sep '09: Our first medicated cycle. I have an allergic rxn to Gonal.F and we switch to Follistim. Moderate OHSS post-IUI. I'm also start grad school. (Epic FAIL...the cycle, not school)
Dec '09: Chemical pregnancy on a Clomid/IUI cycle. Sadness. Found out I'm heterozygous for MTHFR.
Jan '09: IUI #3 = FAIL. Here comes IVF...
Mar '10: IVF#1 results in a chemical pregnancy. Diagnosed with abnormal fertilization by the sperm. Wha?!
Apr '10: Bring on IVF#2. All retrieved eggs to have ICSI. Scratch that. RE/lab fuckup results in regular fertilization. 15 mature eggs retrieved, 7 fertilize on their own. Grade 3 BB and BC blasts transferred. Beta#1 30.3. Beta #2 79.3. Beta #3 158. We're having a baby! :D
Jan '11: Babel arrives at 39 weeks after 30 hours of labor. He weighed 7lbs 3oz and was 21.5" long. He has the most kissable cheeks his mama has ever seen.
*huge hugs* People can be so cruel...I probably would have screamed at my SIL if she said that to me.
ReplyDeleteHi- I found your blog awhile ago, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that this is the cycle!!! Why are people always so thoughtless with their comments? One of my sisters said something similar to that before we started IVF, but she knew we'd been trying for years! It's like, yeah, let me try harder! Hang in there!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe she said that! GEEZ. Many prayers for a successful cycle for you- it was always counterintuitive that they make IVF people take BCP!!
ReplyDeleteBack off, SIL!!
ReplyDeleteFX for a smooth IVF process for you guys!
FX for you and TH K. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh LAWD, sounds truly overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about finding THE right therapist for you. Sometimes I think it would be helpful to have a therapist to talk to about how stressful it is to find a new therapist. =)
I really hope your classes are going well today, and that you weren't faced with any inane comments in the vein of your SIL's.
I may be starting birth control pills soon as well. I ROFLMAO at this, especially since I don't have a dang ute. I hope your nausea subsides!
*scampering to locate my gun*...awww...come on, you told me to shoot you, didn't you?
ReplyDeleteSend your SIL a dozen white roses immediately...tell her that she would be needing them soon, coz she is about to start a fight and white roses signify truce.
I hope this semester goes fine for you, and keeps you busy...
BCPs to get pregnant...who would have thought....