Found this

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

"Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive "advice." We can all list the most popular ones: "Just relax and you'll get pregnant," or "adopt and you'll get pregnant," of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on God's plan, "Maybe God never meant for you to have children." The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

"These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life. It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God's plan?

"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

"While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

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There are a few things in there that I don't know that I would ever think or say, but I highlighted the parts that spoke to me. I don't know that you'd ever hear me make the thirst analogy, but I do know the intention behind it will be true.

When I watched The Time Traveler's Wife last week, there were a few family moments that gave me some Hope or maybe some Inspiration. I had a nice, warm, little vision of TH, myself, and our child cuddling together in our home. For whatever reason, I've never seen that in my mind before.

I also watched a birth scene, and for the first time, it really spoke to me. As in, I felt like this odd sense of myself living the scene shown. I've imagined myself pregnant before, and I've imagined our nursery/baby's room. For some reason, I guess I've never seen our family in my mind before. Even though they were just figments of my imagination, they were beautiful. I hope they mean good things are coming...soon.

In other news, I'm just here, waiting to O. I'm late this month, and I'm certain it's from the meds I was given at the start of the cycle for my back pain. I'm trying to be patient, and I'm seriously hoping this isn't going to be an anovulatory cycle. In the mean time, we're just BDing away. *le sigh* I'm so over BDing. So, so over it. I can't wait for the next time we have sex just because we want to; two weeks of fertile CM are taking their toll.