The SMT and I both listened to Train this morning on our commutes without knowing it. She sent me calming vibes, and I sent all of my angels to our babies. Then, I talked to our babies and cheered them on. I've asked all my angels to take turns watching over and nurturing our little Lucky Seven.
We don't have a lot of options. The babies are at the clinic, and I have no choice but to make peace with it right now. They have to follow me for the rest of the cycle, and I'm going to have to go back into that office. So while I'm still very, very angry, I'm trying to tame it as best as I can. The babies need me, and they don't need to be transferred to an angry mama.
The RE has agreed to give us daily updates on the embryos given the hell we just went through and all the other problems we've had prior to this. He also said he would calling us tomorrow about transfer (though he thinks we should make it to Day5), so we'll see if that actually happens.
I will need strength to get through this transfer. It's killing me that our babies are in their hands and there's nothing I can do about it. I have zero trust in this clinic right now, but somehow, somewhere, I have got to give them a little to get through this and get our babies.
God grant me strength.
21 April 2010
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I am so impressed at how selfless you are already being as a mom to your little ones, putting aside your anger so that they won't be transferred into a raging mama. God is giving you strength!!!
ReplyDeleteI think your attitude is amazing. You are absolutely right - those babies need a happy welcoming mama. Now is not the time to be angry - you can do that later if you need to. But you won't, because you're going to welcome those little guys back into your body and keep them warm and happy for nine months!!!
ReplyDeleteYou have amazing angels. Yesterday you asked me who you could believe in? I think maybe you can believe in them.
ReplyDeleteSending thoughts of peace and strength to you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you're going through this. I can't believe that the clinic was so incompetent. But, as the other posters have said, you have the right attitude and the best thing you can do is be positive and make a welcome environment for you babies.
ReplyDeleteICLW